1800s Kristen Stewart

I'm not a major fan of Kristen Stewart's miserable mug but I love her as an 1800s dyke...

The era and sexual preference seem to suit her.

Baltic Sea Seen From Stockholm

I'm not a silk scarf type of person but I've kind of fell in love with this one from Acne...

I'm not sure I'd wear it but it'd look brilliant framed and hung somewhere in my flat.

Orange is the New Black

"This is my first time with a black guy" 

...Said every non black gay in the world at some point in their life. The other guy just rolls his eyes and gets on with it. He's heard it a million times before of course.

But don't worry gays of colour, you're not alone anymore when it comes to inappropriate pre sex exclamations since shagging a ginger is the latest thing on the People Who Are Different From Me To Have Sex With bucket list.

Above are a few of my personal faves. Rapper Macklemore (I suppose he's more strawberry blonde), Olympic gold medalist Greg Rutherford and porn actor Kennedy Carter. 

Enjoy your time in the spotlight boys! 

AW14 Micro Trends

Two of the things I loved at LCM popped up in Milan and Paris this week also. Camo at Valentino and big scarfs beautifully draped at Louis Vuitton…

And if SS14 is boring you already you can get a hint of AW14 in your life by just wearing things wrong…

So stop using the arms in your coat and stop using the straps on your bag. Almost none of the stylists have used them so far this season. Wrong is the new right.

Dolce Dolce Dolce

I want a D&G body. And a crown.

Plus any of the boys that walked for them in Milan on Saturday.

Pretty please. 

The Fear

I've been a bit quiet this past week. Strange I suppose for a blog that's partly about fashion to go silent while there's a lot of fashion going on. But thats sort of the problem… Along with all that fashion comes a wave of wannabe fashion bloggers and I hate the thought of being a part of the haze of rubbish clouding your view of the good stuff.

So let me just clarify...

This blog is supposed to be silly, something that'll make you laugh a bit, possibly make you want to buy a new pair of shoes or maybe paint your nails in a different colour. This is not a serious fashion blog. I'm not a Susie Bubble and I swear I'm not trying to be. I'd hate for anyone to think that I think I'm some sort of fashion expert. It's that thought mainly that's made me nervous about writing my next post.

That said, I've been dying to write about the things I saw and loved at LCM last week. Literally. Dying. So here goes. I'm just gonna get on with it and stop worrying.

The camo, the pink, the boots (Grenson) and the hats (Bernstock Speirs natch) at Lou Dalton…

The oversized bags and scarfs and the perfect pleated trousers at Burberry Prorsum…

That's it. I'm done. It's out of my system and I can get on with things now.

Lou Dalton at LCM

Really looking forward to seeing Lou Dalton's AW14 show at London Collections: Men tomorrow...

I've heard some great things about the collection already and can't wait to be there. Pretty certain I'll have a wish list as long as Cheryl Cole's extensions afterwards.

A Fresh Start

In the run up to Christmas all the things I'd normally think of as tacky turn into the only things I seem to want. Glitter slippers from Jimmy Choo for instance? Don't worry I didn't buy them - but thats only cos I couldn't afford them tbh.

We're all the same though I suppose. Everybody gets obsessed with metallics and rich colours, textures and adornments and I don't only mean your Christmas party outfit.

Nails are the biggest tack culprit during party season and 2013 was no exception with the (ongoing) trends for special effect varnishes and nail art making OTT cool. But thank God for January! The month when we all want a fresh start, to simplify, to cleanse. And thank God for January's Elle which is full of models with clean short nails in barely there colours…

I've got a couple of manicures coming up this week and next and I can wait to give them a good chop followed by a coat of You Callin' Me a Lyre? by O.P.I - literally the best nude polish in existence.

Two coats for a virginal feel and add a third coat for a perfect false nail look.

Sale Swag

I never shop the sales in person. I hate the crowds and I can't bear sorting through messy rails of last seasons leftovers so I just concentrate on online sale shopping instead.

This year I made my life even easier and while sitting around bored on Christmas day I added all the bits I liked on Mr Porter to my wish list. Then when the sale started a couple of days later I just added everything that had gone half price to my shopping bag and made my purchases. Aren't I clever!

It all arrived yesterday!

My Dan Ward flip flops and swimming shorts will be perfect for Greece this Summer and my JW Anderson T-shirt is so beautiful and a good investment in a fashion heavyweight of the future.