BUNNY LOVE

If you haven't had a chance to watch Bunny Love by Romain Sellier for Bernstock Speirs yet you need to put aside 2 minutes and 38 seconds to do so right now...

So Kawaii innit.

Selena Gomez: Faux Ho

I'm not a big fan of Selena Gomez... Ok, I can't fucking stand her. 

Those chipmunk cheeks, the face that always looks so pleased with itself and her apparent sense of being above the rest of us is so infuriating. But really the most annoying thing about Selena is the fact she's such a major faux ho. 

Any photos she ever instagrams of her with Justin scream "we've just fucked" but you know if she was any good he wouldn't be chasing after strippers all the time. And this week she's been sunning herself in Italy, posing like a faux ho with topless Italian teens, showering like a faux ho with gay for pay bestie Cara and riding like a faux ho on the back of a jet ski with the drop dead gorge Tommaso Chiabra who she seems to be boring in bed while she's a guest on his yacht.

If you want it come and get it? Nah you're alright babes.

Michelle 4 Zac TLF

I want to know the flavour of Michelle Rodriguez's milkshake now its bringing boys like Zac Efron to the yard...

Michelle's moved on from courtside PDAs with Cara and seems to have stretched her wings and bagged herself the holy grail of ex Disney stars. I suppose its not such a stretch of the imagination when you do a bit of eyebrow inspecting...

Who can blame her eh? A good set of eyebrows are hard to find.

Tom Ford Neroli Portofino

Tom Ford's fragrances are some of the most lusted after in the world and despite their hefty price tag they seem to pop up in a surprising number of bathroom cabinets.

Personally I find the majority of his fragrance collection to be a little too heavy - especially for Summer months - but Neroli Portofino is an absolute exception. It's super fresh combination of Tunisian neroli, Italian bergamot and Sicilian lemon is so clean you could wash your kitchen floor with it and proceed to dish up the dinner down there after...

With prices ranging from £26 for a soap to £330 for a 250ml Eau de Parfum it's predictably pricey but one sniff and you'l be hooked. 

However, if your pocket doesn't stretch that far I do have a surprisingly similar budget option...

Nenuco is a Spanish baby cologne (I know, right) that I alway make sure I pick up when I'm on holiday. In fact I bought a bottle when I was in Ibiza a couple of weeks back. Admittedly it doesn't last as long as Neroli Portofino but seeing as a huge 600ml bottle costs as much as a couple of squirts of the Tom Ford alternative you can afford to top up throughout the day.

Either way, I guarantee you'll smell shamazing! (Oh, are we not saying that any more? Ok scratch that...)

Either way, I guarantee you'l smell uh-mazin! (Is that one still OK? Oh good)

Marge for MAC

From RiRi to Miss Piggy, Iris Apfel to Barbie, MAC's collaborations are perhaps overly plentiful but still manage to surprise and excite without fail and their latest partnership with Marge Simpson is no exception...

From the ridiculous Lisa's Spikes (a mascara in Simpson flesh yellow) to the perfect Beehive Blue (an eyeshadow in the iconic hue of Marge's hair) fans will be rushing to pick up a thing or two when it launches in September to coincide with the Simpsons 25th anniversary.

Hold on a minute... The Simpsons has been going for 25 years?!? Fuck I'm old :'(

Eve Lom Rescue Mask

I've been super stressed lately which has caused me to be completely smothered in spots - well, I've got one or two blemishes - any excuse to put my Eve Lom Rescue Mask to good use...

It's a clay based mask so slap it on nice and thick after a good exfoliation and lie back while it dries, drawing out your impurities as it does. That medicinal scent you'll get is aromatic camphor which will give you a satisfying tingle as it cleanses while the honey and almond ingredients will soothe your skin and calm any redness.

And don't just save it for breakouts, use Eve Lom Rescue Mask pre party to stimulate circulation & reduce puffiness. You'll be radiant in no time. 

Try it once and you'll understand why its won the InStyle Best Mask for Congested Skin award for 7 years running.

'Tis the Season to get Married

So Kim and Kanye whipped us all up into a frenzy over the weekend with their long awaited nuptials and the current dissecting of the occasion by pretty much everyone in the world seems to have kick started wedding season 2014 nicely.

As expected, Kim went for the OTT fairytale women are programmed to want from birth complete with princess Kate inspired dress designed by Ricardo Tisci for Givenchy. there's no doubt it was a stunning gown but the full length, ivory lace with a never ending train and veil was predictable and too showy for my liking. 

I have to admit though, the choice of venue was definitely my cup of tea. The beautiful Fort Belvedere in Florence has a kind of faded grandeur about it and I love the idea of getting married abroad. In fact if I was getting married there are only two places I'd consider and they're Ibiza and Mykonos. Guaranteed great weather with a laid back feel through the day and a cool party atmosphere in the evening - perfect. 

If you're due to be married this summer and happen to agree with me on any of the above I've put together a couple of anti-Kimye wedding looks for your perusal. 

Let's see the Ibiza look first...

This is a really youthful, bohemian look - its an Ibiza wedding after all! Avoid Kim n Kate style lace but keep the delicate feel with a broderie anglais dress. This ones from Topshop so you'll want to dress it up a bit with these cute gold sandals from Marc Jacobs and these stunning studs from Lulu Frost available at Liberty. 

On your way to the beach (obvs) tear off a handful of bougainvillea from a nearby bush to use as your bouquet - or to wear in your hair if you're really boho - and you'll be ready to walk the aisle to a soundtrack of bongo drums being played by a hippy probably.

The Mykonos look is a bit more grown up and a lot more expensive...

Mind you, the dress is still high street; an elegant long sleeved baby doll from Zara in a dreamy soft blush colour. Chuck on a pair of thousand dollar Manolo Blahnik flats and a some completely unaffordable chandelier earrings from Annoushka and you're ready to take hold of you're bouquet of fat, white peonies and meet your beloved at the poolside altar of your private villa overlooking the turquoise Aegean. 

Sounds well nice innit. Any chance of an invite? ;)

No Makeup Bronzer

If you like to keep your look completely natural then it's not easy to find the right bronzer. Most of them have a highlighter included to give your skin a bit of a glisten which make it immediately obvious you're wearing makeup.

If you've been searching for the perfect no makeup bronzer then look no further than Bobbi Brown and her range of predictably natural bronzing powders...

They come in five shades so even if you're super pale like me you'll be able to find something suitable. They're buildable too so no need to go for a darker one in the Summer. Just add a little more than you would in the colder months.

If you think the natural look sounds hideous then top off your Bobbi bronzer with a sweep of one her shimmer bricks for a touch of added glamour. Apricot is the prettiest in my opinion. 

If I were a girl

I only have a basic knowledge of art (not even that tbh) but I know what I like to look at. I saw a Mondrian exhibition at The Courthauld Gallery in 2012 and really loved it. Then when I saw this it brought it all back to me...

Beautiful isn't it? I were a girl right now I'd treat myself to it.

I'd usually advise those on a budget to steer clear of seasonal colours when spending a Celine amount of money but seeing as Mondrian and his art have stayed relevant for more than 60 years now I think it's safe to say this bag is a sound investment. 

By the way, Tate Liverpool are showing a Mondrian exhibition from June to October so pop along and have a little look if you can. 

Awkward Peach

I've been thinking about giving my hair a peachy rinse for ages now but every time I almost get the courage to pop to Boots for a bottle of Bleach hair colour in Awkward Peach my bf totally puts me off.

I think he's worried It'll turn out wrong and I'll lock myself in the bathroom for a week until it's washed out (in fact, the Super Cool Colours only take between 2-10 washes to disappear) but surely it'll all go smoothly and I'll end up looking exactly like this...

I know it's an old pic and her hair has been back to blonde since the Met Gala a few weeks back but she looks amazing as an awkward peach doesn't she? 

Shall I do it? Still not sure.

Red Gold

Over the past few years rose has successfully shaken off it's granny image to become the ingredient every beauty brand wanted in their skincare or fragrance range. But the sun may be setting on the day of the rose as it looks likely to be usurped by something much more glamorous; Saffron.

Otherwise known as red gold (see, told you it was glamorous!) saffron is widely known as the most expensive spice in the world and nowadays is mainly used as a seasoning or a dye but in it's 3500 years of history it has also been used as perfume, medicine and most interestingly as an antidepressant.

I first became aware of it being used in beauty when Jo Malone introduced Saffron as a limited edition to their cologne intense collection a little while back...

Then in March YSL Beaute launched their saffron enriched Or Rouge skincare collection with an eye creme, a face creme and a face lotion...

And just today John Lewis got in on the act as they launched their new scented candle Golden Afternoon... 

Part of their 150th anniversary home fragrance collection, they've mixed saffron with its predecessor rose and that other cult beauty ingredient oud to create an exotic and creamy scent.

Mark my words, 2014 is saffron's year. 

Bobbi Brown Nectar & Nude

Are you feeling a little dull at the moment? Need a pick me up that the quick flashes of springtime sun aren't able to provide? Try these... 

They're part of the SS14 Nectar & Nude collection of products from Bobbi Brown that are perfect for giving your complexion a little lift. 

The key product here is the cream blush. On light and medium skin tones it'll give you a dewy flush that'll give the impression of spending an afternoon on the beach - you know that sort of orangey/pinky colour you go before the tan actually develops? Try putting a teeny bit around your hairline so it looks like the sun has caught you there too. 

On darker skin it'll pinch your cheeks and make you look all warm and healthy. You can use it on your lips as a tinted balm too.

Wang Replacement

I don't really remember a time when I wasn't lusting after something from Alexander Wang. Last year it was a £900 pair of boots (couldn't afford them obvs) and this year it's been these shorts...

£150 isn't too ridiculous is it?!? In fact I was planning on getting them this weekend but then I went to Topman last night and stumbled upon these...

£26. 

Suffice to say the Topman pair are now hanging in my wardrobe and the Wang ones have been swiftly removed from my Mr Porter wish list. Sorry Wang.

simple/sexy

With hardly any make up and a mannish shirt and shoes Scarlett Johansson still looks completely sexy in the latest issue of The Wall Street Journal... 

Just stunning.

Feeling Springy?

I was home alone and bored last night so I ended up shopping for girls stuff online and Warehouse was my website of choice on this occasion. I found two really different but equally lovely dresses and merchandised them up a bit for your perusal...

First off I took this really cute panelled shirt dress, added a pair of nude nubuck trainers from Common Projects and luxuriated the outfit with a pair of diamond studs from Tiffany. I'd go to watch my banker boyfriend play tennis in this ensemble myself. 

The next dress was more of an occasion frock...

I'd put a fierce pair of block heeled mules from Zara with this dress to de-prettify it a bit and finish the look off with a pile of yellow gold Cartier Love bangles - three would be ideal. Wear this to a Spring wedding or maybe a christening... Y'know, something religious. Definitely not a date outfit - too try hard.

Anyway, that was my Thursday night.

I ❤️ J Law

Yeah, I know you probably love her too but I'm kind of in the midst of a mild obsession here so let me have my moment please.

Up until a few weeks ago I liked her face, respected the way she recovers after tripping over a hem and had accepted the fact she was the current best dressed actress on the red carpet - helped by the fact she's got Raf on speed dial for all the Dior she could ever want...

(Look at her tho)

But then I actually watched her in a film. I started with The Hunger Games followed swiftly by Silver Linings Playbook and then last night I downloaded Catching Fire on Sky and was blown away.

Like I say... Obsessed.

Lindsay revisited

OMG a few more names from Lindsay's shag list have been revealed and it turns out she's also had a go on Ryan Phillippe!

All I need now is a Hemsworth to rear his head and I'm officially going ginger and developing a habit of some kind. 

I wish I was Lindsay Lohan

It's been a week since Lindsay Lohan's list of celebrity conquests was revealed and I've finally decided on the one I'm most jealous about...

It has to be Jamie Dornan. 

Bitch did good.

If I were a girl

I wish the people that design shoes like this would stop trying to turn me into a cross dresser...

Slim heel sandals courtesy of COS.

Then again I can't exactly blame them for this Wizard of Oz inspired outfit I wore back when I was a little'un...

Cheap red heels courtesy of my Mum. Special thanks to my sister who didn't object to me being Dorothy.

1800s Kristen Stewart

I'm not a major fan of Kristen Stewart's miserable mug but I love her as an 1800s dyke...

The era and sexual preference seem to suit her.

Baltic Sea Seen From Stockholm

I'm not a silk scarf type of person but I've kind of fell in love with this one from Acne...

I'm not sure I'd wear it but it'd look brilliant framed and hung somewhere in my flat.

Orange is the New Black

"This is my first time with a black guy" 

...Said every non black gay in the world at some point in their life. The other guy just rolls his eyes and gets on with it. He's heard it a million times before of course.

But don't worry gays of colour, you're not alone anymore when it comes to inappropriate pre sex exclamations since shagging a ginger is the latest thing on the People Who Are Different From Me To Have Sex With bucket list.

Above are a few of my personal faves. Rapper Macklemore (I suppose he's more strawberry blonde), Olympic gold medalist Greg Rutherford and porn actor Kennedy Carter. 

Enjoy your time in the spotlight boys! 

AW14 Micro Trends

Two of the things I loved at LCM popped up in Milan and Paris this week also. Camo at Valentino and big scarfs beautifully draped at Louis Vuitton…

And if SS14 is boring you already you can get a hint of AW14 in your life by just wearing things wrong…

So stop using the arms in your coat and stop using the straps on your bag. Almost none of the stylists have used them so far this season. Wrong is the new right.

Dolce Dolce Dolce

I want a D&G body. And a crown.

Plus any of the boys that walked for them in Milan on Saturday.

Pretty please. 

The Fear

I've been a bit quiet this past week. Strange I suppose for a blog that's partly about fashion to go silent while there's a lot of fashion going on. But thats sort of the problem… Along with all that fashion comes a wave of wannabe fashion bloggers and I hate the thought of being a part of the haze of rubbish clouding your view of the good stuff.

So let me just clarify...

This blog is supposed to be silly, something that'll make you laugh a bit, possibly make you want to buy a new pair of shoes or maybe paint your nails in a different colour. This is not a serious fashion blog. I'm not a Susie Bubble and I swear I'm not trying to be. I'd hate for anyone to think that I think I'm some sort of fashion expert. It's that thought mainly that's made me nervous about writing my next post.

That said, I've been dying to write about the things I saw and loved at LCM last week. Literally. Dying. So here goes. I'm just gonna get on with it and stop worrying.

The camo, the pink, the boots (Grenson) and the hats (Bernstock Speirs natch) at Lou Dalton…

The oversized bags and scarfs and the perfect pleated trousers at Burberry Prorsum…

That's it. I'm done. It's out of my system and I can get on with things now.

Lou Dalton at LCM

Really looking forward to seeing Lou Dalton's AW14 show at London Collections: Men tomorrow...

I've heard some great things about the collection already and can't wait to be there. Pretty certain I'll have a wish list as long as Cheryl Cole's extensions afterwards.

A Fresh Start

In the run up to Christmas all the things I'd normally think of as tacky turn into the only things I seem to want. Glitter slippers from Jimmy Choo for instance? Don't worry I didn't buy them - but thats only cos I couldn't afford them tbh.

We're all the same though I suppose. Everybody gets obsessed with metallics and rich colours, textures and adornments and I don't only mean your Christmas party outfit.

Nails are the biggest tack culprit during party season and 2013 was no exception with the (ongoing) trends for special effect varnishes and nail art making OTT cool. But thank God for January! The month when we all want a fresh start, to simplify, to cleanse. And thank God for January's Elle which is full of models with clean short nails in barely there colours…

I've got a couple of manicures coming up this week and next and I can wait to give them a good chop followed by a coat of You Callin' Me a Lyre? by O.P.I - literally the best nude polish in existence.

Two coats for a virginal feel and add a third coat for a perfect false nail look.

Sale Swag

I never shop the sales in person. I hate the crowds and I can't bear sorting through messy rails of last seasons leftovers so I just concentrate on online sale shopping instead.

This year I made my life even easier and while sitting around bored on Christmas day I added all the bits I liked on Mr Porter to my wish list. Then when the sale started a couple of days later I just added everything that had gone half price to my shopping bag and made my purchases. Aren't I clever!

It all arrived yesterday!

My Dan Ward flip flops and swimming shorts will be perfect for Greece this Summer and my JW Anderson T-shirt is so beautiful and a good investment in a fashion heavyweight of the future.